Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
