So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
