Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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