What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
