Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
