Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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