He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am available for nakedness
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize