I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
