I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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