Having a random hookup so left but love u
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
