remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
