piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
