Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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