seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
