This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
