Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
