dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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