I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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