She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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