Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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