Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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