Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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