they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
