at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
