My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
