And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize