I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will pee on everything he values.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
