A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
