Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
