CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
