just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My ass is underappreciated
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
