I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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