do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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