I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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