Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
