I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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