During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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