Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize