she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Boobs are out for the taking
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize