You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
