I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
