Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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