What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
