meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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