Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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