I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
