Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
