and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
