Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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