she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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