Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize