pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I am morally bankrupt
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
