why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
