using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
