Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
