So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
