nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
