On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize