Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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