me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize