either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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