Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
