you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
