This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
