I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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