So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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