see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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