Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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